The Nerd's Eye View

In the grand tradition of the 4 month old NewCo, there is yet more change. Yep, The beginning of my employment at NewCo was supposed to insulate me from the impending end of our old business unit at Faceless Corporation. But in the space of about a month and a half, the good folks at my old business unit had their jobs saved, and two days ago I was told that my own job was now going away. That's right, in a few months our new business unit at NewCo will be no more. The tables have turned completely and I must say I think I'm taking it very well.

Posted by Lo Fat Mo at 4:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

In reference to my previous post - it all changes and it changes quickly at that. My business unit had it's final hurrah party yesterday ("Doing the impossible for 25 years!") and many of us planned to attend with the sort of irony usually reserved by hipsters. It was to be a day of goodbyes and cheesy music when suddenly -

I got an email telling me that those of us who had gotten jobs with NewCo were to skip the first hour and show up at the cafeteria for a special guest and an announcement. The special guest turned out to be the chairman of the Faceless Corporation board who told us in a very roundabout way that the factory was not closing -

cue Kool and the Gang's "Celebrate" -

Apparently at the literal 11th hour, the nameless bean counters who only rival our lawyers for control of the direction of the company discovered a massive demand for one of our old products. Guess who gets to stay open to satisfy that demand ... that's right! So the factory stays open minus its star technicians (who got poached so fast it gave them whiplash), most of it's engineers, and some of the equipment which has already been dismantled. 10 points for giving hope to those who hadn't got new positions, subtract 9000 for timing and any kind of foresight.

Unfortunately for me, Fat'n'Happy is still leaving, as is Biggles, Hatchet Face, and many more for whom this is the last day. Against that backdrop I'm packing up my cubicle to move to another one on the third floor. This is like the season finale of The Office.

Posted by Lo Fat Mo at 10:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It's been a tough couple of weeks for me, leading up to this week. Things are changing pretty fast at NewCo which is no less inscrutable than it has been in the past. Most of the changes are minor like moving cubicles or some talk of new projects etc, but there are more concerning ones. For example there was a recent email about tightening our belts. Mainly it involved not traveling unless entirely necessary, and of course doing so in "economy or economy premium" where possible. I'm surprised that anyone was allowed to travel at a higher level than that initially considering the company was created with an inbuilt cost consciousness. Two days later we got an email that there was a problem with the payroll system that would lead to our pay getting in on time but our pay stubs being delayed. I'm glad that they let us know, but it is worrying on the heels of the "cheapness initiative" as I like to call it.

Outside of NewCo, there's the issue of the impending end of our old business unit. There's a feeling like a mixture of last day of high school and the funeral of a close friend haunting the halls. Every day, it seems, there is a luncheon to say goodbye to someone, who's moving on to a new job or something. It's been toughest with Becklesworth (who is still around) and Fat'n'Happy and his little family to whom I've grown quite attached. I had dinner with them on Monday and when I was dropped off at the train station had to fight against a surprising wave of emotion. Curse this all too human heart that beats in my breast!

Still got some more time with Becklesworth, who underscored his overall value to the team by organizing a brewery tour at the Anchor Steam brewery. It was a nice way to spend the afternoon, plus the company was good (Dr Germ, The Married Guy [hey, you said they called you that!], Flanders and one other for whom I have no current nickname) so it all worked out. For such a small operation it was amazing to see how much they could make and distribute! I looked for Oompa Loompa's but couldn't really find any - must be part of the development plan though.

Posted by Lo Fat Mo at 2:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Having worked in corporate America for a couple of years, I have determined that Office Space is not a film, it's a documentary film. In that grand tradition - I think - is the Two-Hour Rule. It's a scathing expose of the efficiencies of the modern American workplace and I encourage you to read it. It, of course, does not describe me at all.

link courtesy of Ben

Posted by Lo Fat Mo at 11:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Well despite all my belly-aching and skepticism, it looks like the first day is next week. A totally new job without even having to move cubicles or my office phone number. Not a bad move, it would seem.

That's pretty much it, except for this blog I've discovered, obviously put together by a psychic who has been mining my brain for all his ideas.

link courtesy of Dr Germ

3/28 UPDATE 10:46a: I spoke too soon. Yesterday was a tough day, we found out that 10% of the new company's staff was getting laid off - 3 days prior to the legal existence of the new company. I was not affected but it's like a death in the family.

Posted by Lo Fat Mo at 10:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

My time at Faceless Corporation is numbered. We've discussed this again and again and again - and yet it never seems to happen. I'm not the only one who's frustrated, even the trade media are losing their patience and you can read it in their tone! Discussing the cancellation of yet another press conference (this one in Paris) to launch NewCo:

Why is the press conference delayed? When will it be rescheduled? [Presse releases] did not seem to know. No good answer could then satisfy the restless and inquisitive spirit of editors, which takes us into the worlds of imagination, speculation and inspiration.

We shall then attempt to solve that mystery. Are Paris air traffic controllers planning another strike? Is the conference center closed for renovation? Has [the CEO] other plans on Feb. 26, like admiring Mona Lisa's enigmatic smile in the Musée du Louvre?

Or. Could it be that the closing of the deal to form [NewCo] on March 28, 2008 will once again be delayed to a later date? Are [Equity Vultures], [Faceless Corp] and [Cannoli Corp] facing difficulties in putting together the financial package? Are [Equity Vultures] dragging their feet?

All this bitterness and they don't even have their jobs at stake! What are we poor unfortunates supposed to feel here in the trenches? I suppose all we can do is to mull over their parting shot at the end of the articles:

After all, if [NewCo] creation is once again delayed, we will only have to think that the longer is the wait, the greater will be the joy.

Posted by Lo Fat Mo at 3:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

In the waning hours of my time here at Faceless Corporation (before I move to NewCo)things are changing quite rapidly. I'm not sure if this is just my perception due to the fact that my time is running out at Faceless Corp or whether the gravity is increasing as the place draws closer to a local collapse. In either case things have been happening that were quite unexpected.

First of all there is the formation of the indoor soccer team. I wish I could say that it was a subversive group of guys who were hell bent on playing some version of clandestie soccer in the hallways. Alas, it's merely a group of engineers who actually want to play soccer at the indoor arena near work. What makes this remarkable is that the tight-fisted scrooges we work for are actually talking about paying for uniforms. These are the same people who have made me pay to participate in every team building exercise I've been at since I came to work 3 years ago (good Lord! Has it really been that long?). I probably shouldn't even mention that they're thinking about it, lest I jinx it but in my overall astonishment I just can't help it. Today I got the news that one of the senior managers "loves soccer", and would we "put him on the team". This is more like the sort of Faustian bargain I was expecting but I've put my foot down. So we'll see how this pans out but quite frankly I'll be shocked if it goes through. It'll still be funny to tell people that I play for Faceless Corporation Football Club (yes, FCFC, and I like that joke thank you very much).

The other surprising thing, and I think this is overall less of a surprise, is the sudden reference to "green tech" all over the building. The groundswell of support for environmentally responsible retrofitting of technology has been rising for quite some time, mind you. I am nevertheless genuinely surprised and pleased that the gears of the machine have finally moved it in this direction. Beyond the simple modification to our manufacturing process (which is still a considerable move forward, although some of the provisions have been in effect due to EPA regulations for years) there is the decision to use "green" energy for our facilities and buildings etc. This represents a considerable investment on the part of Faceless Corporation since these energy sources are still more expensive than the traditional methods in use.

Wonders apparently never cease, and the only question I am left with is what will they come up with next.

Posted by Lo Fat Mo at 9:34 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

With things being so hectic here at Faceless Corp sometimes it's hard to find time to write up a quick post. It's also hard to separate myself enough from the tumult in order to really assess things. A month ago we were told that our facility - on of the last fabrication facilities left in Silicon Valley - was closing by the end of the year. Three weeks ago we were all told that we'd be cutting 25% of our technicians due to the closure. Yet I as still shocked this morning when I arrived at work to find that all of our technicians had been given their 60 day notice. Apparently the new management had decided that it would be easier to give everyone their notice and then simply inform the unlucky 25% in a couple of weeks. Of course this leaves open the legal basis for just firing anyone, anytime. After all they'd all been given their notice.

I'm certainly not overly sentimental about business decisions - sometimes people must be let go for the viability of the overall enterprise. It's the manner in which you let people go and the lack of respect you show for them and their situations that I find so distasteful in this case. It's the overly legalistic writing in the notice, the Bushian attempt to put yourself in a legal position to make any course of action you care to, that makes my blood boil, and leaves me feeling complicit in this act. So I am sitting here typing this hoping to expiate myself.

Posted by Lo Fat Mo at 9:52 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

There are few things worse than getting an email at midmorning asking for an "all hands on deck" meeting. As you can imagine this caused a lot of consternation and rumor-mongering come lunch time. Rumors ranged from "we're all getting our pink slips, Friday is our last day," to "they're going to give us all ice cream!" Needless to say the truth lay somewhere in the middle. In fact it appears that our VP will be leaving us next week, we're laying off technicians at the end of March, and there is no future for our facility.

Lucky for me, I am almost out of Faceless Corporation! Although I am only moving sideways into Shaky Co, which consists of a lot of the same people who work with me at Faceless Corporations. More problematically, the leadership is made up of the folks who brought our fortunes to this pass. Of course, that poses another set of problems, but let's not discuss those now.

I was surprised at how disappointed I was to hear that the facility was going to die by the end of the year. I mean I should feel fine, right? After all here I am with another job (shaky though it might be) lined up. Yet part of me has a lot of loyalty to this poorly run facility. I suppose that much like a first girlfriend, there's no getting over your first facility.

Posted by Lo Fat Mo at 3:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I can only assume that everyone is feeling the listless, last week of school sentiment that is summed up in the following lines seen on a conference room white board at Faceless Corporation:

1. HALO 3 AVAILABLE @12AM
2. HEROES SEASON PREMIERE
3. PRODUCTION MEETING
4. NAP
5.

Posted by Lo Fat Mo at 5:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We'd been waiting for it for quite a while and finally it came on Tuesday. Faceless Corporation announced that it would be selling my division. Actually that's not entirely true, the division was split off in an independent venture that is co-owned by Faceless Corporation and Immobiliare Intl. What complicates this is the fact that the new company doesn't actually legally exist yet, with no clear date for when it will. Of course there is a clear date for when we cease to be employees of Faceless Corp. Flawless planning once again rears it's unwelcome head.

Yes it's all very weird. Being as risk averse as I am, I have to suddenly learn to run fast and loose, leveraging all this chaos to my advantage. This has the potential to be the sort of disaster that one usually sees in farces about well-meaning young country bumpkins in the city. Let's hope it goes better than I am anticipating.

Continue reading "The Announcement" »

Posted by Lo Fat Mo at 2:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Like any good company, Faceless Corporation will occasionally send it's drones to a convention to bone up on the latest and greatest of what is happening elsewhere. For us, that convention is in San Jose , requiring a 15 minute drive down the freeway - just close enough to be able to drive back to work for meetings. I've chronicled my exploits at this convention from years past here and there.

This year I decided not to do the conference, instead actually getting work done while everyone was away and out of my hair. I did decide to take one class (more on that later) and went to one after-conference evening for a free dinner and all the shrimp I could eat. As usual, the dinner was more junket than anything else, allowing our vendor to ply us with fine foods and lots of alcohol so that in the heat of all the bonhommie we'd commit to buying a $400,000 piece of equipment (or four). Still, it's free foood and I can hardly turn that down. After all I'm not that far away from grad school.

Continue reading "The Junket Redux: or SPIE's Like Us" »

Posted by Lo Fat Mo at 10:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Life at Faceless Corporation has taken a turn for the worse. I returned from Italy, as chronicled in this very same blog, to "interesting times" with redeployments for all (or at least many). This bold move has been followed by a reorganization, which is basically a reshuffling of personnel in such a way that you increase their workload. Who says matter can't be created?

My department has been split into essentially two groups, one that does development and another that doesn't. The one that doesn't is - do I even need to say it - not the plum position. It is also the position I have been put in. This is how I felt when I was told. I suppose I should just suck it up, but honestly, it's a bit difficult to look on the bright side at present. It certainly makes one question their previous hard work and sense of their own contributions.

link courtesy of Alex

Posted by Lo Fat Mo at 2:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Things have been somewhat unstable at Faceless Corporation, and I returned from my vacation to find that many people had been let go and some of those "redeployed" - an unpleasant euphemism for "layoff". It seems that everyone is getting into the act, even the cosmological community. Today I heard that they are going to demote Pluto from the ranks of the planets. If you guys see Pluto working a secondjob at the Discovery store in the mall, try to be classy about it and don't ask how it feels. I'm sure it feels awful.

Posted by Lo Fat Mo at 7:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Recognition is not something I crave (affirmation, adulation, yes, but recognition is not high on my list), but somewhere in corporate America is some bright spark reading a book about how to motivate people. The trickle down result is that mid-level managers seem to think that pulling long hours and being belittled by narrow idiots with an addiction to number out of context can be adequately compensated with a certificate printed out on a laser printer. The gusto with which they deliver the wrong message would be amusing if it weren't for the fact that one is working like a dog for nothing. Yet these poor attempts continue.

Continue reading "Great Jeoaarrb Homestar!" »

Posted by Lo Fat Mo at 7:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Being an employee of a large evil corporation and a blogger is a life fraught with difficulties and pitfalls. Much like a man married to a rich yet insane widow with a more fulfilling mistress, one has to tread very carefully indeed. The consequences are excessive to say the least. Much like the aforementioned man, of course, one cannot simply give up the mistress, and in fact the longer one is married to the insane widow, the more one needs the attentions of the mistress. And so one continues to blog and to blog about work - to abruptly drop the uncomfortable metaphor.

Lately there's been a focus on "information security" at the office. In order to drive the point home the corporate thought police have put posters up all over the place, with a fellow in a cleanroom (or "bunny") suit with a sullen look in his eyes holding hands with a pre-pubescent girl in a white walled room. The girl has a strange smile on her face which contrasts with the threatening look in the man's barely visible face. The whole thing has the air of a child who has been or is about to be abducted and possibly molested. The large caption says "Who is Protecting [Faceless Corporation]?", but gives off the message, "Who is Protecting your Children from [Faceless Corporation]?"

Continue reading "Security" »

Posted by Lo Fat Mo at 3:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

In many ways working at a major corporation's cube farm is like being in kindergarten. You can insert your own remarks about petulant babies throwing tantrums or not sharing, but I'm going to take the high road (or higher road anyway). But what I mean is the passing of nagging diseases back and forth. Much like a kindergarten, if one child gets a cold then it's only a matter of time before all the little blighters have it. It's been like Outbreak around here with engineers taking turns to be out of work due to the flu. The sound of phlegm-y lungs are resonating fromthe adjacent cubes and I can practically see the green clouds of pestilence drifting over the cubicle walls towards me. It's a wonder I haven't gone down yet with some virulent throat disease like Dutch.

The other echo of the infant leagues is the "contamination". While all public bathrooms are vile, there is something to be said for the shock that one recieves upon walking into the WC of your office building and seeing the horrifying state of the place. In a building populated by PhD's one has certain expectations and frequently those expectations are dashed like an ugly kid's at the prom.

Posted by Lo Fat Mo at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)

There are times when I wish I was a far more glib writer, and that it was easy for me to pump out the dross that I pass off as pithy observations of life. Usually those times are in the wake of a full day of grist for the mill which I have to put down in the 15 minutes before I am to go to bed. Times like now ...

This week I have been at SPIE Microlithography 2006, which is an optics conference attended by many folks in the industry and academia or in fact anyone involved in optics. Like any conference/trade show it's also attended by tons of vendors and the folks who make the things that make you go "Ooh". They bring with them, not only news of the latest materials and equipment with which to make the next generation of semiconductors, but many trinkets and baubles, affectionately known as swag. Swag is in many cases the only thing that makes these conferences worth attending. I mean why buy a stress ball when you can get one from Nikon that turns yellow when you squeeze it? [ aside: that's not the only type of swag, and we'll get into that a little bit later]

Needless to say I decided to be "Our Man at SPIE" (pronounced "spy"), but I will admit that the best account of it is by Chris Mack, aka the Gentleman Scientist. Dr Mack - and he is called that apparently by everyone, including his Mom - created a program that does optical simuliations and then retired with his millions to Texas where he apparently lives the life of a country gentleman and scientist. Which is a pity since this is the life I had intended for myself. The Nerd's Eye View is only a stepping stone folks, to fame, fortune and the life of science notoriety that I can only aspire to.

As I mentioned earlier, stress balls are not the only type of swag you can get. The vendors, in the spirit of spending money to make money, spend lavish amont of cash setting up "hospitality suites" in the hotels adjoining the convention center. While the hospitality suites do not contain booth babes or massage chairs (that's a great idea for next year!), they do typically contain hors d'oeuvres, sushi bars and copious amounts of alcohol. For the price of a simple business card (more on that later) you gain access to this oasis of earthly pleasures and are also entered into a drawing for all sorts of high quality swag (iPods and the like) that your corporate anti-corruption policy won't allow you to accept anyway. Between sessions we spent time in the hospitality suites eating salmon served on silver platters and shrimp skewers and talking loudly about our jobs and how we were considering buying a new system from the vendor.

This brings me to my other point: SPIE and other conference/trade shows are an opportunity to be young lions. We move in large packs (not like young lions at all) from exhibit to exhibit demanding baubles and sometimes not even bothering to feign interest in the wares on display. This behavior is made more flagrant by the fact that, unlike many of the other attendants at the conference, we work for a rather large and influential semiconductor manufacturer and hence we throw around our weight. Imagine the Capulets or the Montagues swaggering around Verona filching apples off carts or sneering at wine merchants. They need us, we know this, ergo, we are jerks. More or less. I don't want to overstate the issue. After all, we're also just happy to be there.

All year long we are essentially slaves and for one week, give or take, we are fawned upon with a solicitousness that borders on the obsequious. Can we be faulted for wallowing in it like pigs in shit?

Posted by Lo Fat Mo at 11:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I got my new business cards the other day. The company has voluntarily undergone a "rebranding" which is as painful as it sounds, conjuring up the images of steers being held down on the open prairie and the smell of burning leather and hair. It's been terribly expensive and you can see it in the business card where they've literally cut corners.

[yes Tim, this is what I did with my sick day]

Posted by Lo Fat Mo at 4:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (11)

Any bad sitcom (or good sitcom for that matter) has a moment like this. It's a moment when the cast finds itself staring across a room at a group of people that are identical to them. The moment is typically awkward and comical in the same way that getting kicked in the groin is. That, in a nutshell or disproportionate size, is what happened to me the other day.

I went out to lunch with two of my coworkers (a pale gaunt guy and a bulky Italian guy) to a gourmet Armenian restuarant named, simply, The Armenian Gourmet. The food is good, the service lousy, and the wait staff similar to your culinarily talented but socially retarded Aunt Gertie. We arrived 10 minutes before the lunch rush, but the place was already mostly full. The only table left was a six-person table. The hostess asked if we wanted to wait for a smaller table or to take the large table with the caveat that we might have to share. We opted to be seated immediately and had almost finished eating when we were joined at the table by three guys sporting Spansion badges (Spansion is one our direct competitors). There was a pale gaunt guy, a bulky Mediterranean guy and the "ethnic" guy. They looked at us, we looked at them, and the whole thing was uncanny. They got the same food that we had ordered, and as we rose I wondered if this sort of thing was just a coincidence or whether life in Silicon Valley had created legions of identical drones pumped out of the same four or five molds.

Posted by Lo Fat Mo at 10:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)