The Nerd's Eye View

It's been a good long time since I wrote anything here and there are a good many reasons for that, but none that I want to enumerate here. Suffice to say, I'm still alive, and still thinking but haven't gotten around to writing lately. Ok.

Anyway.

As you know, it's getting to be that time of year again; and if you live in a "western" nation (Japan included, and apparently China too nowadays), you are no doubt being subjected to copious amounts of forced jollity, treacly music, and reminders of how grossly commercial our lives are becoming. Call me a Scrooge, but the whole thing typically leaves me cold, and wondering what the hell I am doing here. Having said that, I do sometimes wish I could join in the reindeer games that seem to be springing up around, which makes me wonder why I feel the way I do. So, I have been thinking about it.

I think that there are several reasons for my conflicted feelings (beyond distaste for commercialism and the naked rush for acquisition during the few weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas). There's the feeling, of course, that this isn't my holiday, reinforced unwittingly by my folks. The reasons were obvious but it certainly had me scrambling for rationalizations to reinforce my distance from all the fun and merriment. The other reason, I think, is that it never lives up to my expectations (jerry-built from other peoples' memories and of course from television and movies). Even now, I look around at the lack of a raucous and potentially unprofessional holiday party at work and I'm sad. Why shouldn't we all be treated to some terrible music and enforced intimacy with our coworkers? Why hasn't corporate America given me an experience that allows me to dress formally and schmooze? It's just a big let down, and contributes to my whole "bah, humbug" demeanor.