The Nerd's Eye View

I got an email three weeks ago from my Dad, asking for a favor: to transfer money to his friend's son for a college tuition installment. I have to admit I secretly enjoy that. There's a part of me that retains that kid pride at being the go-to guy for your folks, of being useful. At any rate, my Dad asked me to do favor and wire tuition/rent money to his friend's son, who is going to school in the UK. Easy as pie, Pop, I said and headed down to the local branch of my bank (of America). A little paperwork, a quick withdrawal from the account, and I was back at the office, basking in the glow of my effectiveness.

A few days later I get an email from my Dad asking if I've sent the money yet. Of course I have, Dad! Look, let me check my account, and sure enough the money is gone (plus wire fee!). A day later the bank calls, and ask for a few extra bits of information for "regulatory purposes" and would I call back. I called back the next day and they discovered that the so-called extra information was my address, my email address, and my account number. Mind you, this is exactly the sort of information that the bank, first of all, has, and also the sort of information that is on a wire transfer form.

My Dad emails again, to ask where the money is. I tell him that the bank needed some extra info and the money would be there soon. This scene is reported two more times, with my father asking me to check what has happened to the money since it has not arrived in the UK. So I check again, and the money is gone, but this time I called the bank as well. They confirmed that my money had been debited from my account, and that it would be in the UK as soon as the information reached the receiving bank . But I'd given the information at least 4 days ago, what gives? Judging by my discussions with the staff at my branch (can't give the information over the phone of course) it was simple incompetence. Or was it?

A few more days of assurances from the bank staff, and still nothing, this with the kid's semester and rent at risk. So I did what any good, God fearing nerd would do - I demanded to speak with the manager. The manager informed me that the money had been returned to my account because the receiving bank had refused to take it without the compliance information. At this point I began to wonder whether this regulatory compliance was applied to all wire transfers or all wire transfers by people named Mohamed. After all, how hard is it to pass along information you already have? And why was the bank manager stammering and stumbling over his words? After the lame offer to retry my wire (two weeks late) , I demanded and got my wire fee and money credited back and headed for Western Union.

So here I am on a Friday afternoon at Western Union, being told that for the amount I wanted to send is too large for credit cards, and I needed it in cash. So back to the bank then back to Western Union, then more paperwork and an exorbitant fee, and we're done, right?

Cut to next morning when I get a call from the UK saying the money is still not there, and that Western Union had said there was a "problem" on the sender's end. So here I am on a Saturday running to find a fax machine and a copier, so I can make a copy of my driver's license and fax it to them, for "compliance". It was easier to pump the Western Union customer service folks for information, it turns out. My suspicions were borne out, and "compliance" is basically a codeword for "the US govt is checking everything about you, your Dad, his friends, his friends' kids, any pets, the people you see on the train ...." you get the idea.

So I think the time has come to get a lawyer. This is not a question of taking on the US government, per se. It's more a question of forcing the various private entities that have, through dissembling and outright lies, delayed much needed cash to a poor student. I know what you're thinking, and frankly I don't care. I follow the rules, I am peaceable, I am reasonable, even when I know I am being discriminated against. I take my shoes off at the airport, I chuckle when I am the last person a plane because I am the only person who can't check in online, and I don't rock the boat. But in all those cases, I know what the rules are. They've been spelled out and I follow them. Here, I don't get that chance; there's just a vague "oops, we messed up, can you send that again along with a retinal scan and a clear thumb print?". I just can't stand it and I am going find out how I can stop it.