Tales from Cubeland part 4: The Plague
In many ways working at a major corporation's cube farm is like being in kindergarten. You can insert your own remarks about petulant babies throwing tantrums or not sharing, but I'm going to take the high road (or higher road anyway). But what I mean is the passing of nagging diseases back and forth. Much like a kindergarten, if one child gets a cold then it's only a matter of time before all the little blighters have it. It's been like Outbreak around here with engineers taking turns to be out of work due to the flu. The sound of phlegm-y lungs are resonating fromthe adjacent cubes and I can practically see the green clouds of pestilence drifting over the cubicle walls towards me. It's a wonder I haven't gone down yet with some virulent throat disease like Dutch.
The other echo of the infant leagues is the "contamination". While all public bathrooms are vile, there is something to be said for the shock that one recieves upon walking into the WC of your office building and seeing the horrifying state of the place. In a building populated by PhD's one has certain expectations and frequently those expectations are dashed like an ugly kid's at the prom.
Comments
I liked the bathrooms over there. They smelled like the red lollipops I used to get at the bank as a kid. I don't know what they do over in your area, but on my side of the building there was never any problems.
Posted by: Les | March 8, 2006 3:08 PM
Les, while we all enjoyed your sinister tale that can only tell me that you were molested at the bank (who gets lollipops at the bank?), I have to stick to my guns. Also, it was mostly on the third floor. I don't know what integrators eat or whether the shit inside them is less odious coming out the other end, but there you have it.
Posted by: Lo Fat Mo | March 8, 2006 9:22 PM
Three things:
1) I hate how people will come to work sick, thinking it is some sort of virtue to strive for perfect attendance in life. All those smug jackasses who "never call out sick" are doing is walking around infecting everyone like that damned monkey in Outbreak. I blame it on public schools for giving out those stupid attendance awards.
2)Take some pride in your neurosis and really revel in your fear of germs. Lysol your cubical twice a day, refuse to shake hands AND wear a mask around the office.
3) Put a new lock on a stall in the bathroom that only you have the key for. This adds a certain mad genius quality to the germ phobia that your coworkers shall learn to admire . . . or fear. Muwhahaha
Posted by: Karen | March 8, 2006 11:52 PM
The locking of the stall is the key part, I think Karen. Maybe set up a humidor in there and a few plants ... nice!
Posted by: Lo Fat Mo | March 9, 2006 5:06 PM
What kind of twisted childhood did you have? EVERYONE I knew got lollipops at my bank growing up. Even the banks in Phoenix passed 'em out!
These days, however, the bank I go to in Santa Monica has a four inch layer of bullet proof glass between you and the tellers and is oddly absent of lollipops. Sigh.
Posted by: Karen | March 9, 2006 6:37 PM
Who is Karen? I think we may have been separated at birth.
Posted by: GDK | March 10, 2006 1:50 PM
GDK you have met Karen at at least one of the parties at the old place in Chandler. I don't know if you guys talked at all though ... probably the universe keeping you apart lest you cause a cataclysm.
Posted by: Lo Fat Mo | March 11, 2006 1:37 PM