News of a Wedding
12/20/2004 2:39PM (12:39AM Khartoum)
One of the things that the casual observer will notice almost immediately in Sudan, is the rash of weddings that is going on around here. Weddings are a big part of the social calendar in the Sudan, popping up so often that you begin to wonder if you're the only person who isn't getting married in the next 6 hours. Since my arrival I've met many friends, relatives, and former schoolmates who are now married. They frequently have children (yes, plural) as well, which is quite uncanny. The sight of your "bad ass" friend, who spent his time raising hell in your youth, chasing some little rugrat around is the sort of poetic justice that one rarely sees in life. "Don't touch that! Get back here! Damn it, boy!" Homer Simpson lives...
I have several theories on why this rash of weddings is occurring, or rather a series of contributing factors. First of all is the fact that this is relatively conservative society, and so people "don't get none" prior to marriage. Yes, as hard as it is to believe, there are places on earth where you have to take care of your own business until you get married. It's no wonder then that people marry earlier here than, say, in the Netherlands. This makes the premium on getting married while you're still young and dumb that much higher. This sounds more cynical than I mean it to, since there is a lot of religious reasoning for why one should getting married sooner rather than later. "Marriage is the half of religion," the saying goes, and that needs some explanation. Religion is mostly about relationships between people: you and your Maker; you and your parents, your children, your neighbors, and so on. When you get married, your relationships change with everyone, due to your newfound responsibilities. Or so the saying goes...
The other factor is more cynical. The entertainment factor is a big contributor to the sheer amount of weddings that take place. There's really not much to do on any given evening. Entertainment in the country, for the longest time, was limited to social interaction with family and friends: going to weddings, funerals, or simply going to visit. In recent years the avenues of pleasure have been widened and began to include renting movies, or going to public parks (particularly near the river), or getting ice cream. Most recently the expansion has been into the realm of restaurants and cafes, where there is much to be made. I'll talk more about the restaurant craze later, but for now suffice it to say that it is only a recent occurrence. Since funerals are somber occasions (and working ones, at that), and visits are typically casual unless there is a formal social reason for them, the main reason for folks to get all gussied up is a wedding. Weddings are also one of the few acceptable places to shake your moneymaker, although this has come under some attack in the past decade and a half, with the current government's conservative posture. As dour as the Sudanese tend to be, they are still susceptible to a kickin' groove, so the dance party aspect of weddings went underground for almost a decade. In short, one should not underestimate the importance of weddings for general entertainment.
Another compelling argument for marriage in the Sudan is what I like to call the "Sudanese Dream". Like the American Dream, it is pervasive and quite subtle in its effects on the general population. The Sudanese Dream is to get an education which is embodied by good grades; to get as high a degree as you possibly can, preferably in some engineering discipline or medicine; to get married to a nice man/woman, from a Good Family; to have a mess of children; to make the Pilgrimage to Mecca; and to die peacefully. While the make up of the Sudanese Dream seems innocuous enough, it can be quite insidious. It leads to an unnecessary rush towards big decisions, and dare I say, adulthood. There's nothing worse than kids trying to grow up too fast, and the Sudanese dream makes growing up too fast into a desirable thing. This is not idle speculation but the observation of someone who was part of a generation that was taking college entry exams at the age of 16 - and that's not the youngest age for people trying to go to college. I shudder to think about the other kids who took their college entrance exams early and where they are now. College, marriage, birth, pilgrimage and then death. This is the dark side of the Sudanese Dream and you can see it at almost any wedding these days.
The final point that brings marriage up in any conversation after the age of 20 is the life span of the average Sudanese these days. This is mostly speculation, but in recent years I've noticed that the life span of the average Sudanese male (for example) reduced drastically. There are several examples in my own family of premature, natural deaths. People far too young die of conditions that are easily remedied, but because they are ignored or unknown, are in fact fatal. In this sort of atmosphere, people want to see grandchildren even more quickly than they usually would anywhere else, and there's only one way to get those around here...